9/11 - Happy Birthday Lauren!

and today my clock reads 9/13
Happy Birthday Beckels <33

{my eyes are burnin from cryin so much...}

how do I even start this.

When people mention her to me, I'm mean, and bitter. I'm constantly sad all the time, because she was my other puzzle piece, as some people would say, we were like glue, we were always together and it made sense.


hawaii, her ditchin me for her bf, her not bein able to juggle me and her bf.
*shakes head*


Oh yeah and I know we're not friends anymore cause she told my sister she wasn't leavin for hawaii june 1st, her mom wanted her to stay, so she's leavin june 24th. But hey, I haven't told her shit lately, so I can understand.

I just miss her. I'm bitter because the one person I thought I could count on to ALWAYS be there, isn't here. Even though I moved to Bham, I was willin to make time to drive down out of my way to see her, but she never made time for me. Too stressed, too tired. oh work is doin this to me, or blah blah blah ron, blah blah blah work.

yeah, work never stopped you in the first place. what happened to we'll hang out after hawaii? was that a lie? why are there rumors about me bein spread around mv when I don't live there? tell your girls to knock it the fuck off.

if you care so much about me and love me so much, why do i feel like cryin everyday? why am I puttin on a show for everyone to make them believe i'm happy on the inside, when in reality my heart has been gone since nov 08?

I have no one to talk to since you left. Who am I supposed to confide in these days? Who's gonna take trips with me, you not doin hair for me anymore is weird and Jessika does a great job, it's just not the same.

And then when you told me that your bf planned a surprise trip for you, the week before your birthday, that overlaps with the dane cook show. When you took a deep breath and asked me if there was anyone else who wanted to go with me, did you know that hurt me? That you made plans with me, and then you just brushed them off, just because your bf spent a bunch of money on this surprise trip and you didn't have enough heart to tell him you made plans with ME and he'd have to cancel them. Instead you turn around on your BEST FRIEND and tell her that her plans don't matter. Basically telling her that she's not as important as your bf, because after all you spent two weeks with her in Hawaii, thinkin that should hold her off for another two months from hanging out with you. WTF?

"So, she could've told her bf tough luck, because she had plans with you to go to dane cook." -gail


could've ... but didn't.


It's not as if things would get better if she came back... she changed because she spent all her time with her bf, meaning less time with me, making me change because as I said before, I didn't have her in my life the way I did in the past. we're too seperate people, different now, and there would be a huge imaginary wall between us. it wouldn't be the same and we'd end up hurtin each other even more to stay friends.

no one understands, of course no one knows, but even when i do tell people, they still don't get it. let me put it this way, the day I lost shannon, was the day I lost my world.

I have no desire to make any new friends. I have no desire to let anyone else in close, I slip and let it happen, but after it happens I freak out on myself and then push them away. Just like I pushed Cj away. I did that tonight. But then again the other night when we were drinkin, he said that if I was textin him depressin stuff, he wouldn't have come to Grand. Man I don't think he noticed, but that broke my heart, seriously did. I almost startin cryin, because my night was so horrible, and then he said that. Thanks I guess?

The worst part about this is, everyday I think more and more about death, and how it would happen. If I'm at work, I'd slip on something and impale something of me, or a customer would rob the place and kill me or take me hostage and then kill me. Or when I'm drivin, I'd get hit head on... man it's so horrible, I know. But when you lose your world, you lose your mind, heart and soul.

I honestly don't know why I'm still here.
Why would God have it so I lose my world?
Why?
It's not as if he replaced her with someone else. Sure Cj reminds me of Shannon... a lot.
Why can't I have both?
Why did it end up like this?
Why won't she talk to me anymore?
Why was she so important in my life, that when she disappeared from my life, I feel like I have nothin to live for.

It's almost feels like she died, like she's buried somewhere in the ground. Which would make more sense, since she's gone from my life, and she's never coming back. And I haven't gotten over it yet.

She's slipped away from me.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry I talked bad about you behind your back and put your name to shame. I'm sorry I said all those awful things, I'm sorry. How many times do I have to say it, for you to realize I fuckin mean it? Sometimes sayin sorry isn't enough to put a relationship back together. So I'm just gonna say this, because there's nothin else I can do about this. I tried, and every song and every fuckin moment and memory and fuckin picture reminds me of you.


You were my world and one of the bestest friends I could ever have, you saved me from many things and encouraged me and believed in me when others doubted me. But time moves on and people grow apart, even the ones that are closest to you. I hope you are truely happy with your life and I'll never forget you..

I miss you.




^ Shannon & Orella
2007 - 2009
RIP party of two


( blinkies )
-*-
( icons )

---splenda has a brown sugar---

Choco-Chip Cookies(no sugar)


Ingredients

2/3 cup butter or margarine, softened
2/3 cup brown sugar, firmly packed
2/3 cup SPLENDA® No Calorie Sweetener, Granulated
2 teaspoons vanilla
2 eggs
1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/4 teaspoon salt
1 cup semi-sweet chocolate chips

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.
2. Cream butter, brown sugar, SPLENDA® Granulated Sweetener and vanilla together in a medium mixing bowl. Mix until well blended and creamy. Add eggs, one at a time, mixing well after each addition. Scrape sides of bowl. Add flour, baking soda and salt. Mix until well blended. Stir in chocolate chips.
3. Place level tablespoons of cookie dough on an ungreased baking sheet. Bake 10-12 minutes or until golden brown. Remove from oven and cool on a wire cooling rack.

Exchanges per serving: 1/2 starch, 1 fat

IF YOUR LIFE WAS A MOVIE, WHAT WOULD THE SOUNDTRACK BE?

1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, etc).
2. Put it on shuffle.
3. Press play.
4. For every question type the song that's playing.
5. When you go to a new question press the next button.

I used Pandora for my music player <33

-Opening Credits-
Holiday From Real by: Jack's Mannequin

( Read more... )
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Also This was taken Apr 08 with 1 - med_kitty{187}, 2 - littlemisspanda {104}, 3 - sweetkisses13 {104}, 4 - laurennh {103}, 5 - scent_of_autumn {84}, 6 - foreveralways {77}, 7 - justduchess {74}, 8 - msninacat {69}, 9 - darklingfae {62}, 10 - usoccergurl {50}

( Have you changed your commenting postion? )
Total Commenters: 176 (76 not shown)
Total Comments: 3801
Report generated 5/18/2009 2:05:10 AM by scrapdog's LJ Comment Stats Wizard 1.7

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laurennh got me to switch over to livejournal. sooo I've known her the longest.


I got these users to get a lj: alisonservi, enevolist, lainy_loves_dp, punker_dotts, raspberry27, the_sting156, therealtig3r, fasifoo.


I've known applebastic, dapoohbear79, x_atlantis, foreveralways, xindanobodie, planetaryhaze, miss_watson, dirty__glamour & niftybabe313, sexaybeba forever!


And I know usoccergurl, gouldinator, brandina3635, t311n00n3 & laurennh in person.

I met _tearsofpoison_, dirty__glamour, miss_watson, peacelovechaos, x_atlantis through rating communities.

<3333

[http://i33.tinypic.com/dli24h.png]( Read more... )

this is driving me up the wall.
think back, to children movies. like thumbelina.

there is a movie, with tulip kids.
they are born in the tulips and sleep in the tulips.
i can see the pics, but i can't make out the fucking movie.


any help?!!


*update tomorrow.

Pulic letter to April missgiter.


Cut for my friends page sake.
♥
( Read more... )

I've seen alot of makers asking for quotes for snaggable icons.
So I've made this post for you guys.

inside are quotes. and song titles w/ the artist that would make great quotes.

Some of these quotes I got from __quotexwhore

I will be updating this. So check back for when I last updated.

Last Updated:
2.29.08



( quotessssssss )

"On January 3, 2006, 18-year-old Nazanin Mahabad Fatehi was sentenced to death for murder by court in Iran after she stabbed one of three men who attempted to rape her and her 16-year-old niece in a park in Karaj (a suburb of Tehran) in March 2005. She was seventeen at the time. Iran is signatory to international treaties which forbid them to execute any one under the age of 18; however they continue to do so."

Nazanin Fatehi, is sentenced to hang to death for defending herself and her niece from 3 rapists.
Because this trial has reached an international audiance, there will be a re-trial on January 10th. Please sign the petition to help save Nazanin's life.


Click here to sign the petition.

Click here to learn more about the trial.

Please support the fight for Nazanin's life, you can make a difference.



Post in your own journal/community
<i>"On January 3, 2006, 18-year-old Nazanin Mahabad Fatehi was sentenced to death for murder by court in Iran after she stabbed one of three men who attempted to rape her and her 16-year-old niece in a park in Karaj (a suburb of Tehran) in March 2005. She was seventeen at the time. Iran is signatory to international treaties which forbid them to execute any one under the age of 18; however they continue to do so."</i> Nazanin Fatehi, is sentenced to hang to death for defending herself and her niece from 3 rapists. Because this trial has reached an international audiance, there will be a re-trial on January 10th. Please sign the petition to help save Nazanin's life. <a href="http://www.petitiononline.com/Nazanin/">Click here to sign the petition.</a> <a href="http://www.helpnazanin.com/">Click here to learn more about the trial.</a> Please support the fight for Nazanin's life, you can make a difference.

For your reference, here is a list of known icon "sharing" (i.e. stealing) communities that will get you banned from a lot of communities. If you think people should know about this, pass it around. Stealing icons that were made by others claimed as your own is WRONG. I am part of the Anti-Steal icons commune.

_borrowed_icons
_icons_for_you_
_iconsharing
_steal_me (moderated membership)
_stolenicons_
_we_steal_icons
__iconxwhore
__sharedicons
____icondoom
az_stolen_icons
icon_thieves_
jellies_inc
lost_iconia
ru_stolenicons (it's in Russian)
sexual_virus
steal_this_ic0n
stol3n_graphics
w3_st3al_ic0ns
wow_stolenicons
iconsbnjstole (moderated membership)
omgstolenicons
stampedicons
stealxit
wemake_yousteal
murderousicons (stole not only Ashley's but others graphics as well)